The Certainty of Uncertainty

Doesn’t the title of this blog post say it all? We can be certain of the uncertainty in all of our lives right now. Though it seems as if we will never be back to normal, there are things we can start to consider as our lives and the world begin to slowly open back up.

What’s being observed

In my practice, clients have opened up to me about many topics that are troubling them right now. Every day it seems that there is one crisis unfolding after another. The news and social media stories can overwhelm us and cause “emotional whiplash” as we careen from one topic to the next.

The widening societal divide has resulted in lifelong friendships ending due to differences in opinions and ideologies. The loss of these mainstays can result in grief and upheaval. The same can be said of strained family relationships. As we have isolated with or without our family members new challenges have arisen. Spending so much time together can cause stress and open ourselves up to toxic behaviors. Conversely, not being able to spend time with family due to the isolation protocols can cause us guilt and grief as we find ourselves unable to be there physically for one another.

More bleak news

With all of these added stressors and uncertainty, the world is seeing a rise in addictions. As dependencies do, they can manifest in many forms. For example overuse of food, alcohol, exercise and even staying busy to the point of exhaustion. There is also an increase in the use of low dose psychiatric medications like Xanax and Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) antidepressants.

We are all finding ourselves having overwhelming feelings of uncertainty and fear in these very untypical times. Up has become down, and sideways, and, well any which ways, hasn’t it?

There is HOPE

One of the most spirited outcomes of this stressful and difficult time, is that most of my clients have felt the need to shut down, isolate and become focused on the basics. Their priority lists have morphed into taking care of self/ family/ kids. A deeper sense of what is truly important to us is starting to evolve.

An example of these priorities is known as “Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs”.  The lowest, and most important level, is our Physiological Needs, like air, food, drink, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, and sleep.

Next is our Safety Needs, such as order, predictability, and control in our lives which have normally been fulfilled by our families, police, schools, business, and health care. This manifests in our emotional and financial security, law and order, freedom from fear, social stability, health, and wellbeing.

Then come our Love and Belongingness Needs, such as friendship, intimacy, trust, and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. As well as being a part of a group, whether that is family, friends, or work.

Esteem and Self-actualization Needs are the highest, and less important, levels in Maslow's hierarchy. From dignity, achievement, and independence to the desire for status and prestige. These upper areas have become less and less dominant as we concentrate on taking care of the basic steps for ourselves and our families. 

The Important Certainties

“There is no harder, there is just hard. We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard to make us feel better or worse about…(ourselves)... and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard.”-Ash Beckham

We must remember that right now we are all going through something. It can be easy to do so, but take a moment to step back, as we deal with wearing masks, social distancing and the like, and remember to not take things personally. 

As I frequently say, be kind to yourself. Many of us feel as if we have lost touch with those who were once an integral part of our social network. We have not done anything wrong or bad, we are, like everyone else, simply dealing with life.

And if you find yourself over-using a vice to cope with feelings, it's ok - be gentle with yourself & that internal dialogue that seems to be getting louder for so many. The strongest thing we can do for ourselves and the world right now, is to offer extreme self-compassion.

More HOPE

If our anxiety and depression have become overwhelming to the point that it concerns us and those around us, there is a therapeutic approach I’ve been finding myself recommending for many of my clients right now. It’s called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and can be defined as “unique in its emphasis on mindfulness and dialectical thinking. Rather than only treating symptoms as problems to be solved, DBT places an equally important emphasis on acceptance of experiences as they are in this moment.” Find more in-depth information here.

FIRST and foremost, let's keep prioritizing our own self-care and then focusing on the needs of our families mental health. Everything else will eventually fall into place and there is always help available.

One of the largest networks of mental health professionals is right here in Orange County & we are seeing clients nationwide due to the recent expansion of telehealth guidelines. Reaching out and communicating the positives and negatives of our situations with others brings us all closer together in this time of isolation. As I frequently say, all feelings are always allowed!  

If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  All of my information can be found here.